Today let’s address
our dear ladies. As a gentleman there are questions we cannot stand being
asked solely because none can be
answered acceptably. The closest we can come to being correct is changing the
subject.
Even the faithful Google and century old scientists have failed to understand why ladies feel that
some good can come from asking any of the following questions.
1. “Does this ______ make me look fat?” Whether it’s a dress, a shirt, or something else, we don’t seem to quite get the right answer to this question. Obviously we cannot say YES or we risk being the recipient of unending tantrums (that we don’t have the slightest clue of how to handle). On the other hand saying NO is equally painful as it confirms that you do, in fact, look fat. Why do you do this to us?
2. “Do you notice anything different?” We notice nothing different about you. Ever. Unless it has to do with your b**bs. However, “no” is obviously the wrong choice and your insistence will force us to choose something that you haven’t changed for 10 years.
3. “How old do I look?” Picking an age equal to or older than yours is a relationship kryptonite. Although most of us are smart enough to avoid this question, we still wonder why you have to ask it given that if we give a younger age it will be interpreted to mean that we’re lying and you can’t trust us, on the other hand we CANNOT say you look older!
1. “Does this ______ make me look fat?” Whether it’s a dress, a shirt, or something else, we don’t seem to quite get the right answer to this question. Obviously we cannot say YES or we risk being the recipient of unending tantrums (that we don’t have the slightest clue of how to handle). On the other hand saying NO is equally painful as it confirms that you do, in fact, look fat. Why do you do this to us?
2. “Do you notice anything different?” We notice nothing different about you. Ever. Unless it has to do with your b**bs. However, “no” is obviously the wrong choice and your insistence will force us to choose something that you haven’t changed for 10 years.
3. “How old do I look?” Picking an age equal to or older than yours is a relationship kryptonite. Although most of us are smart enough to avoid this question, we still wonder why you have to ask it given that if we give a younger age it will be interpreted to mean that we’re lying and you can’t trust us, on the other hand we CANNOT say you look older!
4. “If I died right now, which of
my friends would you want to hook up with?” first of all, why would you ask this? Anyway, you know we already have an answer.
And you have a pretty good idea, too. However, there’s no possible way that you
want to hear us confirm it.
5. “Should I change my hair color?” “No” means that we only like you for your hair, “yes” that we've never liked it and we want to sleep with someone else.
6. “How do you know her?” Do you really need to know why not to ask this?
7. “Do you think she’s pretty? “”Yes” leads to an even bigger bear trap: “Prettier than me?” But “no” means we’re lying, again!!.
8. “You know why I’m mad at you, right?” Not only do we have no idea — we would have apologized if we did — but we probably didn't even notice you were mad. Of course, whatever answer we pull out of our butts will be just as unacceptable to you as a “no.”
5. “Should I change my hair color?” “No” means that we only like you for your hair, “yes” that we've never liked it and we want to sleep with someone else.
6. “How do you know her?” Do you really need to know why not to ask this?
7. “Do you think she’s pretty? “”Yes” leads to an even bigger bear trap: “Prettier than me?” But “no” means we’re lying, again!!.
8. “You know why I’m mad at you, right?” Not only do we have no idea — we would have apologized if we did — but we probably didn't even notice you were mad. Of course, whatever answer we pull out of our butts will be just as unacceptable to you as a “no.”
T99
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